Comments on: Mother Heidi

By: Brittany Barber

Brittany Barber — Tue, 27 May 2014 16:44:22 +0000

Lovely thoughts, lovely writing. Thank you for providing a voice for those who are not able to, choose not to, or have a very hard time having children. Part of providing an open-ness to diverse family systems is to allow for and to honor couples who do not have children. You and Adam are a power couple and I’m so glad that you have each other.

By: carroll

carroll — Sat, 24 May 2014 00:34:34 +0000

I need some time to reflect on this sacred revelation. Heidi, as we know the name by the book title, transformed the heart and soul of a bitter and sad old man. Any one having the privilege of knowing you will also have the opportunity to come just a little closer to a better self, perhaps transformed completely.

By: MBauman

MBauman — Fri, 23 May 2014 23:38:11 +0000

Part of me is sorry y’all won’t be parents (in the official sense), since I think you’d be great at it, but I also rejoice in your embracing childless-ness for it’s ability to free you to “parent” a wide variety of “children”. Even if you embrace being “Mother Heidi” in your ministry, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to address you as “Mother” – the title has too many negative connotations for me & I’m old enough to BE your mother! “Amma” I may be able to remember, but it’s probably gonna be “Rev. Heidi” or just plain “Heidi” from me. In any case, thanks much for continuing to parent the folks at St. Benedict.

By: Mary Kate Jordan

Mary Kate Jordan — Thu, 22 May 2014 17:33:00 +0000

Thank you for your open heart, Amma.

By: Sheree Capulli

Sheree Capulli — Thu, 22 May 2014 12:25:04 +0000

Heidi, You are a very special and lovely woman. You can look at the world through a lense of appreciation and acceptance with a large open heart, with a willingness to hear Gods voice, being ready at the gate. Amazing.
Many years through out my life I was introduced as, Sheree, “she has 5 kids!”. I resented that. I am so much more than mother,. Then I lost a child and in reflecting through grief, I wondered what they’d introduce me as now? For a while there were stares and whispers, “she’s the one who’s son died”. Again I resented that and wanted to scream, I’m Sheree, I am just me. Names and descriptions can be hurtful even with the best intentions, they come and and go or remain forever. I’m Granny Lou now and soon Mother of the Bride, those names I can wallow in. My personal favorite description that will never change and one I’ve always known I truly am, is a ‘beloved child of God’.

By: Heather Murphy

Heather Murphy — Wed, 21 May 2014 19:16:26 +0000

I absolutely adore this. Every ounce of it. Thank you for sharing.

By: Ben

Ben — Wed, 21 May 2014 15:25:43 +0000

I am constantly surprised by the baggage that accompanies clerical titles. But I am not immune from the baggage myself. Last year, when I accepted my first call as curate of Epiphany, a mother accompanied by three small children asked me what the children should call me? She said she would prefer they not get used to calling adults professionals by their first name. I hesitated for a moment because, while I grew up with the same “southern manners” of addressing adults by their official titles, or simply “Mr. or Mrs.”, I never considered what others should call me, other than simply Ben. I settle on “Priest Ben” which never caught on becuase it is awkward to say. A lot of that struggle over titles was no doubt due to the fact that I was barely 25 when I was ordained, and both my rector and the associate rector are over twice my age. I had trouble, even after ordination, claiming the title reverend because it connoted someone way older and wiser in my mind.

A year into my curacy, everyone now calls me “father”, which I have grown to accept with time. That title was assigned to me by our rector, as a sort of joke, pointed at my anglo-catholic training in seminary, and tendencies to be far more rigid and high church then the other two priests on staff. But more than that, it is an ironic statement, in that I was, until recently, the youngest priest in the entire Episcopal Church (according to CPF), and therefore it is a reminder of the trust and authority placed in my ministry by those whose children and grandchildren are older than me. The title caught on in the parish, and I now understand it to be a title of acceptance and endearment by those who are placing a high degree of trust in someone so young.

I asked our female associate if she wanted to be refereed to as “mother” in an announcement where our names were being placed together. With a grimace she said “absolutely not!” Mother felt too personal, and like a breach of her boundaries between parish and family (her partner and son).

All that is to say, I think clerical titles are deeply personal and can reflect one’s identity in priesthood. Thanks so much for sharing your own reflection on “motherhood” as both a struggle and an emergent identity. Pax et bonum!

By: Benbow Cheesman

Benbow Cheesman — Wed, 21 May 2014 14:27:28 +0000

There is a certain discomfort in the title “Mother” for female clergy, but I’m unsure why, exactly. It may be that it simply takes longer to get used to the form of address than to the fact itself. I recall and argument I made back in the ’70’s concerning women’s ordination and the discomfort some felt about it: “we mustn’t confuse esthetics with doctrine”. God never promised us comfort (at least not in this sense). As a priest I was sometimes called “Father”, sometimes “Mr.”, sometimes “Ben” and sometimes “Reverend”. I protested that last, because it’s like addressing a judge as “Honorable Johnson”. But what works is what works and what you and your people find comfortable. Blessings on you and your ministry.